I logged on to begin my course last night, and discovered I couldn\u2019t access my class materials or zoom link until I\u2019d completed an online orientation to the course management software (including quizzes!).\u00a0 Completing everything took forty-five minutes, which was extremely unfortunate, since I\u2019d only logged on half-an-hour before my class was due to begin.\u00a0 Once I passed the final quiz (100%, yay me!) I had to wait for the system to register that I\u2019d passed that final quiz, and only then could I join my class (already in progress).\u00a0 When I joined, it was clear that the students had already learned some basic words, and they were about to introduce little stick figure friends to each other.\u00a0 I lost my mind with nerves (actual thought track: I DON\u2019T KNOW ANY WORDS) and backed out of zoom in a panic.\u00a0 I then promptly sat on my couch and cried.<\/p>\n This was, undoubtedly, an overreaction, but my overwhelming sense of \u201cI don\u2019t know anything, I don\u2019t even understand why I\u2019m seeing my instructor\u2019s screen on zoom, I\u2019m out of my depth, what am I thinking?\u201d obliterated my more rational thoughts.<\/p>\n Today I\u2019m left thinking \u2013 how often must this be true for our students? How many times I have assumed that something is self-explanatory when explanation would help?\u00a0 How often have I taken for granted that my students know where the bookstore is, or how to buy an e-book online?\u00a0 How many assignments have I written that were hard to parse?\u00a0 How many times have I counted on my students being digitally dexterous when perhaps they were all at sea?<\/p>\n I wrote my professor this morning and explained that I panicked.\u00a0 I then came to work wondering how they would reply, fearing that my earnest and heartfelt honesty would be met with a brusque email about me being a college student who should measure up, try hard, and be responsible. \u00a0I know I\u2019ve sent such emails in the past. \u00a0When it arrived, the email I got back was warm, incredibly kind, and very reassuring.\u00a0 It was a model response to an anxious student, and I learned from that, too.<\/p>\n I\u2019m humbled by the education I still need, and more deeply aware than ever that my pedagogy should take nothing for granted.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful to have the opportunity to do better \u2013 at both my language studies, and at being the kind of teacher I want to be.<\/p>\n This is going to be one wild ride.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019m taking an online language course with an institution that\u2019s not my own this semester, and it\u2019s teaching me an enormous amount.\u00a0 The learning isn\u2019t yet about the language \u2013 that will come in time \u2013 but about what it\u2019s like to \u201cdo college,\u201d especially as a new student. I was entirely out of my element when it came to seeking admission.\u00a0 First, I couldn\u2019t find the portal for non-degree-seeking students (hint: scroll all the way down the webpage, Cate),…<\/p>\n![\"<center>cartoon](\"https:\/\/catherinedenial.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/panic-1393619_960_720.png\")
<\/a>